What A Week!

                                                        WOW! Just really WOW!                                                                                                                        In the past week I have had my ups and downs and right now I guess might just be counted as a up! I know that this new life style I have join into is not easy by far but I am so happy and proud to be part of it! I love everything about my wonderful boyfriend! He makes me laugh all the time and always keeps me smiling! Tonight I am spending the weekend with him or at least part of the weekend and wow! I don't know how I ever lived with out this man in my life he makes everything better! We have not done anything that most people would see as special he picked me up late, and we went back to his house where we pretty much cuddled up and watched tv together on his sofa. I ended up falling asleep on his chest as we were watching tv and he woke me up hours later when he was ready to go to bed. I just I can't even describe how that makes me feel even to this every moment it makes me want to cry. I have never felt like this ever in my life and I just don't know what to say. That moment falling asleep on his chest and being so close to him was the best moment in my life. I have never had the feeling that I felt so safe ever in my life. This man makes me to happy with out him I don't want to live a second of my life.
 There are no words to describe how I feel about him and in such a short period of time, it truly scares me every time I think about it but I wouldn't change a thing even if I could. That night he and I went to bed and when I woke up he and I did the basic things went to get something to eat, hung out and watched football together ( we are both really BIG Steelers Fans! ) and I ended up once again falling asleep on his chest and later on he took me home because he had things to do. It was a short weekend up I just cant explain  how it felt to be able to spend time with him after him being gone for like almost two weeks. It was just what I needed to remind me of how he loves me and how amazing our relationship is
. I tend to forget those things after a certain period of time and I know that I should try my hardest to understand that he works a lot and his hours are not always " normal ." I knew that it would not be the same to date a Marine as it is to just date a normal guy with a normal job I guess I just never thought about how truly hard it would be on me. I wish that there was some one who could talk me through this some one who knew what I am going through in this new life. It hurts me to not be able to sleep next to him every night, and to cuddle up with him but I know that there is a reason for every thing and I just need to stay strong. I cant ever allow these bad days get me down about our relationship no matter how much I really want to just cry and act like baby I just can not do that to him. I love him so much and I want to spend every moment I can with him, those moments for right now just are not as close together as I would love for them to be. I know one day if I am really lucky I will be able to wake up to him every morning and fall asleep wrapped up in his arms every night as long as I stay strong and don't give up on us.
 I know this life is not just his job, it is his life something that odds are he will pick for the next 11 years. I might not be able to come first in his life, I might not get to wake up to him every morning and fall asleep wrapped up in his arms every night but he makes me so happy.  Every moment with him is better then the last and I am so happy and in love that I can only pray that he allows me to keep being part of his life and that I make him as happy as he makes me!  Well I'm off to bed Good Night all!


Semper Fi <3

Just One Of Those Days!

              So last time I talked about what was the worst day of our relationship thus far and well  its been about a few days and my life has been flipped up side down! I have figured out that there are some amazing people in this world and then there are those people who make you want to run away from it all! 

             Oh My Lord! the drama that has happened in these past few days! I am living with a newly found friend named Abby and she is young and Married to a I guess " fellow " Marine and they seem to be happy and in love!  Abby has Nanna living with her right now and it has brought up somethings that make me question my relationship with my boyfriend. I know that allowing someone to get into your head and make you doubt your relationship is wrong and childish. I am trying to not allow her to do this to us but its hard when so many guys treat there girlfriends differently then they way I am getting treated. 

           I know that he is a Marine and that things are going to be hard he has to go to work and he pretty much is always on duty no matter he happens to be at. I am proud to have such a great man in my life and I love how he is all about his job but I just thought it would be different and that maybe he would have more time for me. He is going to be going to see his daughter for like two weeks like 11 hours away from the town we live in and I know that when he gets there and hes spending time with her I will no longer get to even talk to him. He will be all about her and spending time with her. I know that he does not get to see her but like once or twice a year and that is crazy to me. I don't know how he will be able to deal with the not seeing his child,  he is stronger then I am. I know he is a proud dad and  that she is his everything but it makes me want to cry to think that he doesn't get to see her and talk about her day  after she gets home from school. It hurts me to think that he will have to miss out on the things that most people don't even care about. The little things that no one but a parent would even care about and really that most parents don't even think twice about. 

I am happy he is  getting time with her right now even if it is a short period of time I just wish that he didn't have to go through having to see her for such a short time and could see her every day. I understand his reasons and that every little girl needs there mommy but I just hate that he has to be hurt like this. I'm sure he would never admit that anything hurts him but I know it does.  

So far living with a girl who is with a Marine is harder then I thought it would be she is so young and thinks she knows everything and then it came out that her husband is getting kicked out of the Marine Corps due to failing a drug test. I thought I knew her better then that but as it turns out I really should not be around her lord only knows how living with her will hurt my relationship. I am doubting him more then I ever have in the past , I feel like he is lying to me every time I turn around and all for no reason he has changed how he is acting towards me from the point that we were living together to right now. I dont know what to think at this moment and its driving me crazy to the point that I feel like Im going to need to start getting away from the house for hours at a time with Nanna's more often before I mess up my relationship.  I guess maybe I just need to remember that he is in love with me and I am in love with him .... what else matters?

back to life I go!

Semper Fi <3

Worst Day Thus Far!

             OMG! Just had the worst day of our relationship thus far and I know that I brought it on myself! 
I woke up this morning knowing that everything was about to change for the worse and there was not a thing I could do about it no matter how hard I tried. My wonderful boyfriend asked me to do something two days ago and I knew that it was the right thing to do. However I decided to go against him and I did not do what I was asked to do when  I was asked to do it. See he had been allowing myself and my friend  " Nanna " to live with him. I guess it was my fault really because well I would bitch to him about anything and everything that she did. Every time she made me mad.every time she failed to do what I asked of her or when she would not clean the house when I wanted to and how I wanted her to. ( with me not alone not as if I used her as my maid  ) I told him I would tell her that it was time for her to move out and find a new place for herself to live.  Well I didn't do as he asked me to and in fact I told him that I would NOT do that to her because she is my best friend and Im the reason that she came to this town long before he was brought into my life. I stood up to my boyfriend and I decided to not kick Nanna out of the apartment. I thought that maybe he would understand what I meant and why I just could not do that to her. For a short period of time I felt like I did the right thing that everything would be okay with our relationship. Well I was wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong and WRONG! everything was not okay far from it and I cant believe that I was so stupid! He wasn't the first person to tell me that I need to kick Nanna out of the nest and make her fly on her own. Everyone has told me that and lord do I wish now that I would have listened to him. 
         My picking Nanna over my boyfriends wants and needs clearly was right on some levels however I feel like that was it that was the thing that he just couldn't take. So today at 1pm today he sent me a text and informed me that she and I would have to move out asap. He told me it was because of his apartment building however I think that was total Bull crap. One of the things I love about him is the fact that he " does what he wants " Well he did what he wanted, I wouldn't kick my friend out so we were both asked to leave and so he got his way in the end. Nanna was out of his home. However from the second I found out that he and I will no longer living together it felt as if our relationship will soon be over because I guess I feel like it could not work out. He and I hardly ever seen each other as it was so now well it will be harder for our relationship to get any stronger. I just at this point I dont know what to think about anything at all. I feel heartbroken to have to go through this all because I picked someone over my boyfriend. I should have known that my idea would never work. That he would see right through my thoughts and in the end do what he wanted to do to start with . I love Nanna she is my best friend but I should have picked my boyfriend. I should have respected that he wanted what was best for the both of us that it would make our relationship better and stronger if I listened to him. I knew it was hurting our relationship and still I picked to not do what I would have asked him to do as well. I just dont know what to think at this point and believe that prayer is all  I can do. Heading to bed after this long stressful day!


Semper Fi <3

Running Away!

           After the last few weeks everything has Gone from craziness to even more craziness! I am not who I thought I was and the world is not as I thought it was. I know what I thought well that people never change that they are who they were at birth and well to say the least I was wrong. To an extent I was wrong at least I thought that it would be so hard to be with someone in the Military that maybe everyone I knew that had been with some one in the military was just well big babies who didn't think about what they were getting into. That most military wives and girlfriends were cheaters and just couldn't keep there legs together. I know that I was well wrong to an extent I am not saying my opinion about the military wives I know was not at this point totally true. I do however believe it takes more then just being strong to be with some one in the military. It takes some one who is loving, supportive,caring, independent, smart, honest,God fearing and to an extent bone chilling cold hearted to those who have tried to come into the circle of wives and girlfriends who are honestly good military spouses. 

              I know that it sounds crazy and down right rude as can be at times. I have dealt with more then my share of craziness during this very short time and I can only hope that everything changes very soon. I have changed who I am more then I thought I would. I thought I was a strong person however now I am questioning everything I thought I knew. I do not feel like I am strong anymore I just keep my head down and take what the world has to give me no matter how I truly feel about it. I am scared to death that one day I will wake up and the world will see right through me every thought , fear, hopes and dreams. I thought I would be strong enough to be with a United States Marine Corps. I thought there wouldn't be a problem at all with anything or everything due to the fact that I have been through hard relationship before, I have dated the worst of the worst guys. It is NOT easy, it is the hardest thing I have ever done and yet here I am even though I'm sitting here alone trying to figure out what more I can do to make everything all better again.  I cant just walk away at this point my heart is in it for the long hall even if the rest of me wants to run away as soon as  I can when ever I see the first chance to run. 

           I want to pretend that everything isn't as hard as I want to believe as if the world is a happy place and I don't need to make up my fake reasons to run away. That maybe just maybe if I did try to run away that it wouldn't work and some one would trip me as I am trying to run away from life its self. I want the world to see that I am not strong enough for this life. I don't know what  I am meant to be at this moment all I know is that I hate spending nights alone as much as I have to. I want things to always go my way and for once to have him at home with me cuddled up on the sofa with watching bad cable tv.  I know I am dreaming and that as long as I pick to be with him that will never in my dreams  happen. I will always come second after the Marine Corps. This is his life and as much as I want to run away and hide from him and this whole world! I can  not do that to him because there is no running away at this point.  I might not be the strong person I thought I would be however I can only hope that I am one day as strong as I need to be not only for him and this life I have been brought up to but for myself. 

 Semper Fi <3 

The First Week As A Marine GirlFriend!

So Here I am just made it through the first week of what I thought could be the rest of my life! I couldnt have guessed what it would be like being with a Marine! I mean so far I have been living with him and dating him for only a week and well I have seen him only two nights so far. He is gone for the next few days on a Semper Fi Fund Hike thing and I find myself being upset not because I miss him but becuase I feel selfish for wanting him here for me not for him. He makes me happier then I have ever been in my life and that scares the living crap out of me! Hes the sweetest guy in the world but lord to look at him , he looks scary as can be! I know that just comes with the Career that has but still that is scary to me. Through this past week I thought dealing with him being gone would be the hardest part of it and that everything would be fine just as soon as he got home to me! Oh Boy! was I wrong! so very wrong! Last night  he called me and told me something that was earth shattering and changed everything more then I care to admit at this point. He informed me that he got a call about a girl from his past saying she is pregnant with him baby. My heart sank when I was informed of that and I jsut couldnt even think or breath hearing tha tkind of news isnt what any girl wants to hear. I mean I know that there is a chance that she is not telling the truth or that the baby isnt his at all. I know that this was something that happened before he and I even knew each other so its not like he cheated on me and got this other girl pregnant.  To be mad at him for this well just doesnt seem  right at all because it was something from his past. He made it clear that he doesnt want to be with her and that he wants to be with me however Im scared.  Scared that she is telling the truth,scared that her having his baby will mess up our life together. Scared that he will fall inlove with her during her pregnancy and leave me. Scared that I will end up leaving him before we find out if she really is pregnant, scared that I will leave him and then the baby will turn out to not be his. Scared of just about everything and anything at this point in time. I just dont know what to do or think all I know is I have to figure out what to do next , if I am going to stay with him or if Im going to leave for my own selfish reasons.
I questioned If I was strong enough to be with a Marine, if I could deal with everything that comes with it the deployments,the training, the Marine Wives ( because lets face it some of  those ladies scare the heck out of me. and then there are the others who I question why they are even with a Marine to start with, yes I know that makes me just like all the others most of the time lol ) the fears, the doubt that everyone seems to try to put in your mind about your man. I can deal with all of that even though its hard and really sucks most of the time but I know I am strong enough to deal with anything the USMC can put me through. If I am strong enough to deal with the USMC how can I be questioning if I am strong enough to deal with this girl from his pas saying that she is pregnant with his baby? This makes me feel so beyond stupid and I dont get what on earth I am even questioning it to start with for. Then it hits me that I am selfish! That Im sitting here thinking about leaving the greatest man I have even had in my life because of some girl from his past! A child  ( if there even is a child ) isnt brought into the world to hurt others, the baby didnt do anything wrong at all and isnt going to be born to hurt me in any way. Not saying the mother couldnt be out to hurt us or after lord only knows what because there so often is more to the story then I will know at this point in time. This could add drama ,stress and alot of tears to my life and to his as well but I dont know what to do right now. My heart is telling me to stay and not allow this to hurt my relationship with this great man but my head is saying run like heck away becuase I have never dealt with this kind of thing before but I know that it will not be easy. It would test our relationship in all kinds of ways, it would test my strength, my heart and our future in so many ways. This first week has been well more eventful then I care for but I guess that everything happens for a reason! All I can do is pray at this point in time and wait for answers to come my way. All I know at this point is that I really care about him and I dont want to loss him over what could be nothing to start with. God has a plan for us and I can only hope it will be something that will allow us to stay together and have a happy, healthy relationship.

<3 Semper Fi!