Running Away!

           After the last few weeks everything has Gone from craziness to even more craziness! I am not who I thought I was and the world is not as I thought it was. I know what I thought well that people never change that they are who they were at birth and well to say the least I was wrong. To an extent I was wrong at least I thought that it would be so hard to be with someone in the Military that maybe everyone I knew that had been with some one in the military was just well big babies who didn't think about what they were getting into. That most military wives and girlfriends were cheaters and just couldn't keep there legs together. I know that I was well wrong to an extent I am not saying my opinion about the military wives I know was not at this point totally true. I do however believe it takes more then just being strong to be with some one in the military. It takes some one who is loving, supportive,caring, independent, smart, honest,God fearing and to an extent bone chilling cold hearted to those who have tried to come into the circle of wives and girlfriends who are honestly good military spouses. 

              I know that it sounds crazy and down right rude as can be at times. I have dealt with more then my share of craziness during this very short time and I can only hope that everything changes very soon. I have changed who I am more then I thought I would. I thought I was a strong person however now I am questioning everything I thought I knew. I do not feel like I am strong anymore I just keep my head down and take what the world has to give me no matter how I truly feel about it. I am scared to death that one day I will wake up and the world will see right through me every thought , fear, hopes and dreams. I thought I would be strong enough to be with a United States Marine Corps. I thought there wouldn't be a problem at all with anything or everything due to the fact that I have been through hard relationship before, I have dated the worst of the worst guys. It is NOT easy, it is the hardest thing I have ever done and yet here I am even though I'm sitting here alone trying to figure out what more I can do to make everything all better again.  I cant just walk away at this point my heart is in it for the long hall even if the rest of me wants to run away as soon as  I can when ever I see the first chance to run. 

           I want to pretend that everything isn't as hard as I want to believe as if the world is a happy place and I don't need to make up my fake reasons to run away. That maybe just maybe if I did try to run away that it wouldn't work and some one would trip me as I am trying to run away from life its self. I want the world to see that I am not strong enough for this life. I don't know what  I am meant to be at this moment all I know is that I hate spending nights alone as much as I have to. I want things to always go my way and for once to have him at home with me cuddled up on the sofa with watching bad cable tv.  I know I am dreaming and that as long as I pick to be with him that will never in my dreams  happen. I will always come second after the Marine Corps. This is his life and as much as I want to run away and hide from him and this whole world! I can  not do that to him because there is no running away at this point.  I might not be the strong person I thought I would be however I can only hope that I am one day as strong as I need to be not only for him and this life I have been brought up to but for myself. 

 Semper Fi <3