Sitting here thinking about everything I want and how to make my dreams become my reality. I know that this is going to sound crazy however I can't help it sometimes life is just crazy as can be and there is nothing you can do about it. Other then hold on and try to enjoy the crazy, wonderful ride no matter how scared you are or how much you wish you knew what was going to happen next. I have had something going on in my head that really I shouldn't even be thinking about at all but I just can't stop myself from thinking about it no matter how hard I try. Its wrong and crazy and I should not be even dreaming of thinking about it but I just can not stop!
I have Marriage on the brain and I am scared because even though I have been married before it was only for a short period of time and I have never really experienced being married like truly married. I love him and I want to marry him however there is a problem that I am trying my hardest to fix at this moment. I am by law still married to my not so ex husband. He had failed to give me my divorce for 6 years now and I believe I shouldn't have a problem getting my divorce at this point. However all that should be over and done with in the next month and a half and then I will be free to get remarried if I want. I know that I wish that A and I were getting married even though we have only been together for like almost two months now. ( not counting our short split up due to my throwing a tantrum ) He brought up marriage when he and I had only been dating for like a week! However he hasn't brought it up again and now I am thinking about how I want to get married! I adore him and I can't see spending my life with anyone but him. He makes me laugh so hard that I cry. Hes sweet, caring , loving , tall, sexy, smart, hard headed, mean looking. Really he is totally perfect for me and I love him as scary as that seems. I have been scared for so long to tell anyone that I love them and then out of no where I just know I am in love with this man. I guess when you know, you just know and there is no reason to wait for the proper time period to get married. I don't know how I feel about telling him that I have been thinking that after my divorce goes through that I want to marry him. Is it wrong for the female to be the one to bring it back up?
I don't know if its wrong or whatever but I think I am going to have to think of away to tell him how I feel about us getting married. I know that it could make everything harder on the both of us because we have both been married before and I decided a long time ago that if I ever get remarried I want it in a Catholic church, my dream wedding, and everything just as it should be with a man that I know I can spend the rest of my life getting to know and loving everything about no matter what problems we are faced with. I know that he might now want the wedding I want but I know he wants to be with me.
Most guys take years to think about if they want to marry a girl however I think maybe because he had brought up marriage before so early in our relationship maybe he wont tell me how crazy I am when I bring it up this time. I adore this man and I don't want to spend another day longer then I have to with out being his wife. With out vowing to be together for ever and always until death do us part. I am not a jump in head first kind of girl I love planned out things and everything to be set in stone so I know what is going to happen next. I can't believe that I want to do this but I can't not do it, I can't live my life with out being that lucky girl who gets to be with him every step of the way no matter what direction his life happens to go in. I feel so lucky to have him in my life at this point in time I can't wait to see what the next month has to offer!
.... Wedding Bells Are Definitely Ringing ....
Semper Fi <3
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