Breaking Away!

I have sat here waiting on answers to come, waiting on anything a sign of some kind to come to me to show me what I should do thus far. I am lost and I am scared to death. I feel as if I am fighting a battle that I will never win no matter how hard I try and trust me I am fighting with everything I have to win. I have been trying to win a fight against the world it seems. I am trying to figure out where my place was in this life of mine. I think I have figured it out , I am going to be making some big changes in my little world right now and I feel like maybe everything is about to change for the better! I have decided that I am not going to allow anyone change my mind or take control of my life.
At this point  my life has mostly been just trying to get through the day and  be able to make it to the next day!

Marine Corps GirlFriend

Marine Corps Girlfriend

I am a Marine Corps girlfriend. I hold no formal recognition with the powers that be. I am at the bottom of the chain. I hold no military ID card, I am not a “dependent” or a parent. The man I love may face unspeakable dangers, and I am at the mercy of those who possess this recognition for news. I understand this and accept this.

I am a Marine Corps girlfriend. I have promised to be here for him upon his return, no matter how long he is away. People may say I am insane for making such a commitment with no guarantees, but I hold onto our promises and have faith that he will come home safe to me. I know full well that my love for him fuels him in the worst of times.

I am a Marine Corps girlfriend. There is no ring on my finger to symbolize our commitment, but it means he will be home for me. I hope every day that he will call because a 30-second phone call can bring the greatest spectrum of emotions…smiling with tears in my eyes from so much joy and pain.  My relationship is based on a brief communication where “I love you and I’m okay” speaks more than volume, and gives me the strength to keep going.

I am a Marine Corps girlfriend. I take no moment spent together for granted. I hold onto every touch, caress, kiss, every word. I have memorized the feel of his skin, his smell, the sound of his voice, and I play it over and over in my mind so that I will not forget. I cry myself to sleep some nights because missing him hurts so badly, but wake up the next morning, brush myself off, and start a new day.

I am a Marine Corps girlfriend. The events of the next several months hold my life, my love, and my future in the balance. When you watch the news reports, you may turn away and go about your business relatively unaffected. When I watch news stories of the war, I do not see nameless soldiers a half a world away. I see individuals who will be forever changed by war. News of every casualty causes me physical pain and deep sadness.

I am a Marine Corps girlfriend, not a spouse or a family member. When you say your prayers for the wives, mothers, and fathers, please don’t forget about me…

Semper Fi <3

Facing The Lonely Nights!

                 This past week had been well eventful to say the least, I have had a lot of things on my mind such as my amazing boyfriend being out in the field! I had been feeling so down about my self and life because he was gone for the week and there would be no change for us to be able to spend time together no matter how much I wish we could. I miss him so much and I wish that there were something I could do to get a text from him , a call something to let me know he is thinking about me. I miss him so much its truly crazy I don't know how some females do this for year, or their whole lives pretty much. I can only hope that I am strong enough to be one of those ladies one day. However after last night and finding out that one of my new friends  has a husband who is deployed right now. Well I feel selfish as can be! How can I be sitting here all up set and sad because my boyfriend is out in the field for a week when I have a great friend who has a husband who is deployed. 
                 He has a 7 month deployment and she has to stay strong for him no matter what. I AM SELFISH! Yet I am NOT the only one who is, so many civilian wives and girlfriends wine about how their men have to go to work and work late. How many of them truly think about what the Military Girl Friends and Wives go through while their men are away for months at a time. I know that I personally never thought about what they went through until it came down to my dating a Marine my self. I have found my self yelling all the time at girls who I hung out with in high school because they wish there man didn't have to work until 6pm on a Tuesday night! I can't help it I just find my self saying " Are you freaking kidding me? He has to work until 6pm and you are acting like that is the worst thing in the world! I haven't seen my boyfriend in almost a week! That is not even the worst part I know so many girls that have to go months with out seeing their man. Wives that have to raise there children all on there own for the most part because their husbands are out fighting a war and keeping our country safe!  I have been a single mother for years! I know how it feels to have to do everything all along trying to keep your self from falling apart because you just don't know how much more you can take. I know I can personally understand what they are going through on some level however being a single mother while praying every night that your husband will come home safe, that he is doing what he trained to do and what he loves.  I don't understand how that feels, I don't know many females who are strong enough to be a single parent much less being a single parent while still being married to someone who is always gone. Always out working and trying to keep us all safe from the evils of the world that would like nothing more then to make our lives a " living hell ."  Those women truly need to be thanked , they need everyone to know and understand that while you are sitting in your homes every day winning that  their husband and boyfriends are working an hour over their normal time to get off work. That they remember that some where in this world there is a women rushing around trying to get the kids feed, bathed  and in bed on time all while praying and wishing that her husband/boyfriend didn't have to spend 7 months away from her. Away from their family  and the lives they have shared. 
               As I sit here tonight wishing that my boyfriend was here with me watching pointless cable tv and eating what ever I can get my hands on. I find my self  being nothing more then Thankful for all of the AMAZING Women in this world who do what most of us are not brave, or strong enough to do. Supporting men who are hardly ever around , who need the support more then we could ever understand because with out the support they could not do there job as well. I don't know what it's like to be with out the man you love for months at a time, I don't what it is like to deal with everything they have to deal with but I know that one day I will. One day I will understand all to well what they go through every day but until that day I will try to learn everything I can about being in their shoes. I will do everything I can to make sure that I thank them every chance I get. That I do a nice deed for them like baby sitting so  they can get a night out , buying them lunch , washing their car or anything I can to show them that even on their worst day there are people in the world that care about them. That are there for them and proud of what they do because when it comes down to it supporting the Military wives  is just as important as supporting the Military its self!


                  I know that tonight will not be my last lonely night, it is only the start of them. I can only be strong and look at the sisterhood of Marine Wives, Fiance's and Girl Friends that have came before me for the strength on the night when I feel the weakest.  I love my boyfriend and I know that I will one day look back at these nights as a test from God of our relationship and laugh because we made it through  it all! 

      THANK YOU TO ALL THE MARINE GIRL FRIENDS,  FIANCE ,  AND WIVES!  FOR         EVERYTHING THAT YOU DO, ALL THE SACRIFICE'S , ALL THE STRENGTH YOU  HAVE BEEN FORCED TO HAVE TO KEEP THE MEN YOU LOVE STRONG SO THEY CAN DO THEIR JOBS  AND KEEP OUR COUNTRY SAFE! YOU ARE ALL TRULY AMAZING!

Semper Fi <3

Ring Less & Still Here!

                      So here is the question! .... Does having a ring on your finger really change anything? I have noticed that just about all the Marine Wives I have gotten to meet here in Jacksonville all think that they are better then I am because " I am only a girl friend ." I am out ranged by this being said to my face and behind my back! What is wrong with these ladies? We have all had to start at the bottom of the totem pole , we all had to start off as a Marine Girl Friend before we could get lucky enough to raise up to the honor of marring a United States Marine! Saying a vow to spend the rest of your life together is saying a vow with or with out the paper doesn't change the vow that has been made! 
                      I on September 27th 2011 at about 1pm in the afternoon , I decided to change my life from what it was to what it is still becoming today. I decided to date a United States Marine and that I would love, honor , respect, stay faithful,  no matter where he is or how long we will be apart! I love him just as much as any one can love the man they want to spend the rest of their lives with. I hurt just as much as a wife would hurt knowing her man will not be able to see or talk to her on a day where she is feeling like she is falling apart. I sit at home missing him every night he is away, I cry my self to sleep and praying that everything will be okay. I have just as much faith in our love and our relationship as a wife would. Our relationship is unbreakable , no one can come between us no matter how hard they might try! I try my hardest to make him proud every day! I only want to make him happy as often as I can and to make sure he knows what he means to me no matter what people might say. The amount of time we have been  a couple or the lacking of a ring on my finger does not matter at all! I love him and I will stand by him until the day God takes us both into the gates of heaven! Those wives who think that I and all the other Marine Girl Friends in the world don't understand what it is to truly love a Marine! You all need to remember where you started, that at one point in time you too were in our shoes. You were standing right where we currently stand , you have had to deal with   Marine Wives that felt you too wasn't good enough because you were only a  Marine Girl Friend! 
                          This stereotype that Marine Wives are better then Marine Girl Friends is beyond crazy, stupid , and childish! Marine Wives should be there helping the Marine Girl Friends in there time of need. Teaching them the ropes and what it means to be a Marine Wife/Girl Friend! I don't yet know what I should be doing, I don't know what it is to even be a Marine Girl Friend most days. I'm  scared that I will not be good enough for him or that I will do something that might hurt his career! I wish that Marine Wives were less scary , and thought more about helping us then trying to hurt us and make us feel as if we are not good enough to even call our selves Marine Girl Friends much less to ever be called a Marine Wife! I love my man and I can only pray that I will be that perfect Marine Wife, that I will make him proud every day of my life but its scary, its hard and there isn't any breaks from this life style no matter how much we wish there was! We need to stick together and make our sisterhood stronger not weaker because of stereotypes and distrust. I might be RING LESS but I'M STILL HERE!  I'm NOT going anywhere so it's a fact of life if you don't like us Marine Girl Friends then GET OVER IT! bc WE are not going to run away and end the best thing that has ever happened to us just because there are some mean , scary Marine Wives who don't want us around! When they are just scared and unhappy with their own lives and would rather make us feel unwanted then to let us know that we are not alone! That they have been there and done that and I'm sure will be there again one day! This life is hard enough with out us all jumping down each others throats and talking behind peoples backs just because they don't have a ring on there finger!


This sisterhood is so much more then a sister hood! Its family when we allow it to be!


Semper Fi <3

Marine Girlfriend's Handbook

Marine Girlfriend Handbook
1. Don't count on anything!
2. Don't listen to ANYONE on the outside. All you will get is negative remarks, which will make things harder for you to deal with.
3. When he becomes stubborn and a royal pain in the butt, just remind yourself he's probably had a bad day, and being away from you is hard on him too. So just let him rant and don’t take it personal.
4. When you’re down, treat yourself.
5. Learn how to listen if you don’t know how! He will need you, you will be the one he comes to when he needs to complain, but don’t complain back...that is what the USMC Girlfriends/Fiancées/ Wife’s are for! This is a hard time for our men and they NEED us much more than sometimes they think they do!
6. Love your Marine, be truthful, and reassure him, even if he is deployed he'll have someone to come back to!
7. He will try to pull away at some point. Whether directly telling you to move on, not wait for him or just becoming distant. It's a way they try of dealing, stick with him cause he really does want (and need) you there.
8. When he is away for a long time, or even just a couple hours away, write a lot of letters! Communication is key to a relationship.
9. Some of his friends will probably be morons - expect this.
10. You aren’t the only woman in his life (his mom misses and loves him too!) so make sure she is updated on what is going on with him.
11. He needs to feel important so don't hold back on the compliments - remind him how proud you are of what he does. (Tell him how attractive you think he is when wearing his desert cami's, dress blues ect.)
12. Chances are they won't call when they say they will (that especially applies for deployed!).
13. Don't buy that nonrefundable airplane ticket too early.
14. When eating with a Marine you either finish your "chow" in 15 minutes or less or be stared at until you are finished.
15. Never take one single minute with them for granted. Live each day with them like it’s the last one you'll have for a while, because with the Marine Corps, it just might be!
16. Take lots of pictures, so you can remember what each other looks like!
17. Don't even TRY to compare your Marine to ordinary men. You can no longer complain about broken plans, that phone call you were supposed to get but didn't, missed birthdays and anniversaries, his snoring (hey, at least he's sleeping BESIDE you), spending more time with "the boys" than you, etc., etc., etc...
18. Always look on the bright side of things. How many of your gal-pals get their first encounter, first date, first kiss from their men over and over again??
19. Gotta be able to keep up with your man. We give our Marines a whole new meaning of PT =)
20. Even if he says he will, he probably won't. Maybe really means probably not OR probably not when he said he would (example: "I might be able to call you tomorrow" but he can't find the time to call until a week later or "I might be able to come home next month for a week"...that might turn into 2 weeks)
21. Being a Marine's girlfriend/fiancée/wife is the toughest job in the corps. You have to deal with stress similar to the wives, without the promise of forever or the benefits and support they get.
22. We find ourselves using military lingo. "I'm gonna go get my room squared away", "It's chow time", or using military time
23. Patience is the biggest key to making the relationship work...you have to wait a lot but in the end, waiting is what made it all worthwhile.

I thought It Was You! ( Found on another website and love it! )

I Thought It Was You 
Today I heard your voice behind me
And turned to you with a smile.
Can't believe I misplaced that sound,
Even though it's been a while.

Yesterday I laughed out loud
And turned to tell you why.
Too late, I remembered the truth,
As a tear came to my eye.

Even now I see your face
And feel your arms holding me tight.
Yet your shadow flees at my touch
For I am alone tonight.

Someday I'll turn and you'll be there.
Your smile - your face - will be real
I'll put my arms around you and know-
This is the way love was meant to feel.
U.S. Marine (another website...)
You can keep your Army khaki,
You can keep your Navy blue.
I have the world's best fighting man,
to introduce to you.

His uniform is different,
the best you've ever seen.
The Germans call him "Devildog,"
His real name is "Marine."

He was born on Parris Island,
The place where God forgot.
The sand is eighteen inches deep,
The sun is blazing hot.

He gets up every morning,
Before the rising sun.
He'll run a hundred miles and more,
Before the day is done.

He's deadly with a rifle,
A bayonet made of steel.
He took the warrior's calling card,
He's mastered how to kill.

And when he gets to Heaven,
St. Peter he will tell,
"One more Marine reporting sir,
I've served my time in Hell."

So listen, all you young girls,
to what I have to say:
Go find yourself a young Marine,
To love you every day.

He'll hug you and he'll kiss you,
and treat you like a queen.
There is no better fighting man:
The UNITED STATES MARINE!

The USMC Girl Friend's Creed!

The USMC Girlfriend's Creed
I am a Marine Girlfriend.
In other words, I have gone through the LDL class of San Diego or Parris Island basic training. I have
attempted and completed the Long-Distance Learning sector of Marine Corps boot camp, graduating from
Platoon GF, right along with my Devil Dog in his own platoon. I am proud to have earned the title of
United States Marine Girlfriend. Along with my Leatherneck, I
have suffered, been broke down, and been rebuilt and designed as an entirely new person.
I have unleashed a new patriotism to my country and my Corps.
Yes, I belong to the Corps because I am committed to my Marine, and he is committed to the Corps.
There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. The Corps is his life and I am his spirit.
I have learned the hard way, as he has learned also.
Wherever the USMC takes him, I will follow, whether it be in presence or in thought.
I will learn as much as possible about the Corps, because this is my duty. And I am always on Active Duty.
I will always remain true to the Marine Corps Girlfriend's Core Values,
because just as my Marine is always presented under the image of the United States Marine Corps,
so I am an example to all Marine girlfriends everywhere.
I will always remain faithful: to my Marine, my sisterhood of Marine girlfriends, my Corps, and my country.
And when my Marine is called for duty, so I will be also.
I will support him at all times and at all costs, support my MC family, and will always remain loyal to the privilege of being the girlfriend of one of "The Few, The Proud." I am a USMC ambassador; for while my Marine retains peace and order in far away lands, I will keep watch over our home land, and always remain
honorable, courageous, and committed. I am a United States Marine Girlfriend.
Semper Fidelis.

  Semper Fi <3

Song I Adore!

Made In America Lyrics


my old man's that old man,
spent his life livin' off the land,
dirty hands, and a clean soul.
breaks his heart seein' foreign cars,
filled with fuel that isn't ours
and wearin' cotton he didn't grow

he's got the red, white, and blue flyin' high on the farm
SEMPER FI  tattooed on his left arm
spends a little more at the store for a tag in the back that says u.s.a.
won't buy nothin' that he can't fix,
with wd40 and a craftsman wrench
he ain't prejudice he's just, made in america

his wife, she's that wife that decorates on the 4th of july
but says "every day's independence day"
she's golden rule, teaches school,
some folks say it isn't cool but she says the pledge of allegiance anyway.

got the red, white, and blue flyin' high on the farm
SEMPER FI tattooed on his left arm
spends a little more at the store for a tag in the back that says u.s.a.
won't buy nothin' that he can't fix,
with wd40 and a craftsman wrench
he ain't prejudice he's just, made in america

born in the heartland, raised up a family
of king james and uncle sam


got the red, white, and blue flyin' high on the farm

SEMPER FI tattooed on his left arm
spends a little more at the store for a tag in the back that says u.s.a.
won't buy nothin' that he can't fix,
with wd40 and a craftsman wrench
he ain't prejudice he's just, made in america

made in america
made in america

my old man's that old man,
he's made in america

america!

Semper Fi <3

Song Of The Week!

"Stay" By:"SugarLand

I've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall
And I've been laying here praying, praying she won't call
It's just another call from home
And you'll get it and be gone
And I'll be crying


And I'll be begging you, baby
Beg you not to leave
But I'll be left here waiting
With my Heart on my sleeve
Oh, for the next time we'll be here
Seems like a million years
And I think I'm dying


What do I have to do to make you see
She can't love you like me?


Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay


You keep telling me, baby
There will come a time
When you will leave her arms
And forever be in mine
But I don't think that's the truth
And I don't like being used and I'm tired of waiting
It's too much pain to have to bear
To love a man you have to share


Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay


I can't take it any longer
But my will is getting stronger
And I think I know just what I have to do
I can't waste another minute
After all that I've put in it
I've given you my best
Why does she get the best of you
So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine


Why don't you stay
I'm up off my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
You can't give me what I need
When she begs you not to go
There is one thing you should know
I don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay, yeah

Semper Fi <3

Who truly deserves the Thanks On Thanksgiving?

                Thanksgiving .... Isn't what it should be!  

                              
                              Thanksgiving is the one day a year that people sometimes think about giving thanks for everything that they have! I don't want to sound mean however THAT IS A LIE! How many people truly thank those who should be thanked for what they need to be thanked  for? The United States Military should be thanked for what they do not just on Thanksgiving but everyday! They risk not only there lives but there families, relationships with friends, members, children, everyone who they have touched in one way or another through out their lives. Its this time of year that everyone feels the need to pretend that they care about those who are in need, those who need help and have no one to turn to. The people who just never learned how to do anything more then being in the military. Yes everyone always tries to do something nice for those who are homeless and in need of a warm bed and hot meal. Yet how many of those people who are out wandering the street out there because they never learned anything more then how to fight for our country? The Statics for the number of vets that are home less is current 1 out of every 4 people! Are you kidding me? ONE FOURTH?  What kind of people are in this country when we allow our vets to be home less after everything they have done for us and our country? Its sad to know that so few people honestly care about the ones who have fought for us to be able to live the lives we go about every day never thinking of what we don't have to give up because someone else is giving up their life for us! Some one else is out there missing there children grow up so that we can sit at home every night and feel like we are going to lose our minds because we are so stressed out about how to keep up with all the bills. When we should  be thanking GOD and The US Military for giving up the time they should be spending with their own children and  tucking them into bed every night to go out and make sure we are safe to be able to continue living our stress filled, crazy, pointless every day the same as the last lives! We should be working every day to do everything we can to support the men and woman who choose to join our military! Every day when we all wake up in our beds safe from all of the evils of the world we need to wake up and thank the vets and Military members who do everything for us while we sit  on our butts doing nothing to support them while they are off fighting for us to stay safe!  Most people who are not directly joined to the Military don't care about the Military nor support the Military the way that they should!  If our nation care as much about  the Military and Its Vets as they do the latest trashie pop start who got knocked up by Lord only knows who then we would all be better off!  This country is NOT going to get any better if we don't all get off of our butts and do something about it! We as a Nation, are only as weak as our Weakest link! Thanksgiving should be all about giving thanks for the things that really matter in life! It should be a day where we all can sit down and have our dinner knowing every Vet in our country is sitting down to a hot meal and knows that this Nation they fought for is thankful for them and what they have done for us all! Im sorry for those who do not agree with my point of few, however you could try I don't know the " getting out raged and bringing up this being America, war is bad, the Military are murders, " blah blah whatever winning you can come up with so that you don't have to face the fact that with out those people serving in the Military past, present and future  those winning little people would not have the freedom to being winning right now! So Thank a Vet, and the people who truly deserve to be Thanked on THANKSGIVING!


Semper Fi <3

                                                                  

Defining The Future!

                Sitting here thinking about everything I want and how to make my dreams become my reality. I know that this is going to sound crazy however I can't help it sometimes life is just crazy as can be and there is nothing you can do about it. Other then hold on and try to enjoy the crazy, wonderful ride no matter how scared you are or how much you wish you knew what was going to happen next. I have had something going on in my head that really I shouldn't even be thinking about at all but I just can't stop myself from thinking about it no matter how hard I try. Its wrong and crazy and I should not be even dreaming of thinking about it but I just can not stop! 
                I have Marriage on the brain and I am scared because even though I have been married before it was only for a short period of time and I have never really experienced being married like truly married. I love him and I want to marry him however there is a problem that I am trying my hardest to fix at this moment. I am by law still married to my not so ex husband. He had failed to give me my divorce for 6 years now and I believe I shouldn't have a problem getting my divorce at this point. However all that should be over and done with in the next month and a half and then I will  be free to get remarried if I want. I know that  I wish that A and I were getting married even though we have only been together for like almost two months now. ( not counting our short split up due to my throwing a tantrum ) He brought up marriage when he and I had only been dating for like a week! However he hasn't brought it up again and now I am thinking about how I want to get married! I adore him and I can't see spending my life with anyone but him. He makes me laugh  so hard that I cry. Hes sweet, caring , loving , tall, sexy, smart, hard headed, mean looking. Really he is totally perfect for me and I love him as scary as that seems. I have been scared for so long to tell anyone that I love them and then out of no where I just know I am in love with this man. I guess when you know, you just know and there is no reason to wait for the proper time period to get married. I don't know how I feel about telling him that I have been thinking that after my divorce goes through that I want to marry him. Is it wrong for the female to be the one to bring it back up? 
                  I don't know if its wrong or whatever but I think I am going to have to think of away to tell him how I feel about us getting married. I know that it could make everything harder on the both of us because we have both been married before and I decided a long time ago that if I ever get remarried I want it in a Catholic church, my dream wedding, and everything just as it should be with a man that I know I can spend the rest of my life getting to know and loving everything about no matter what problems we are faced with. I know that he might now want the wedding I want but I know he wants to be with me. 
                 Most guys take years to think about if they want to marry a girl however I think maybe because he had brought up marriage before so early in our relationship maybe he wont tell me how crazy I am when I bring it up this time. I adore this man and I don't want to spend another day longer then I have to with out being his wife. With out vowing to be together for ever and always until death do us part. I am not a jump in head first kind of girl I love planned out things and everything to be set in stone so I know what is going to happen next. I can't believe that I want to do this but I can't not do it, I can't live my life with out being that lucky girl who gets to be with him every step of the way no matter what direction his life happens to go in. I feel so lucky to have him in my life at this point in time I can't wait to see what the next month has to offer! 


.... Wedding Bells Are Definitely Ringing .... 


Semper Fi <3

Loving This Song!

So this past weekend A & I were watching a movie that I have never seen before called Pure Country. I didn't get to watch the full movies just about 30 mins into the movie but I am in love with it! Such a great movie and I adore the song " I cross my heart " I am posting the lyrics to the song because it reminds me of my amazing boyfriend. Missing him so much and cant wait to be able to spend more time with him this coming weekend if I am lucky! Miss you baby!

Artist: Strait George
Song: I Cross My Heart
Album: Pure Country

Our love is unconditional, we knew it from the start. 
I see it in your eyes, you can feel it from my heart. 
From here on after let's stay the way we are right now, 
And share all the love and laughter 
That a lifetime will allow. 

I cross my heart and promise to 
Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true. 
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine. 

You will always be the miracle that makes my life complete, 
And as long as there's a breath in me, I'll make yours just as sweet. 
As we look into the future, it's as far as we can see, 
So let's make each tomorrow be the best that it can be. 

I cross my heart and promise to 
Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true. 
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine. 

And if along the way we find a day it starts to storm, 
You've got the promise of my love to keep you warm. 
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine, 
A love as true as mine. 




Semper Fi <3

WE ARE BACK TOGETHER AT LAST!

 As Of November 11th 2011 My Marine and I Are                      
               Officially back TOGETHER! 


          I am so freaking HAPPY right now!  Adam and I are back together now! so as of 11/11/11 I have my man back! I will NEVER do that again! I will always talk to him and tell him how I feel for now on and not just try to play stupid games to throw a tantrum. I don't think I can handle going through that again I missed him so much!  
           
                I am spending the weekend with my wonderful boyfriend and WOW he has been amazing  this whole weekend so far. He is not the kind of guy who waits on a girl hand and foot , I have never known him to cook or clean or do anything of the kind. He is " that guy " the one who saying things like " women have two places in the kitchen and in the bedroom and that's where they should stay ." Yes I know he sounds like a total Asshole who needs to know that this is 2011 not the 1930's and females can do any job a man can do. That is how he tends to come off however hes not like that hes a good guy who doesn't have a problem with the fact that females are more then just house wives.       


                  Anyhow ....  I watched as he cleaned his house ( which anyone who knows me I have OCD and I love to clean and hate when people don't do it right, right as in my own way! )  all by his self and for once I didn't even want to re clean the whole place after he was done. He did everything just the way I would have done it I was so darn proud of my wonderful boyfriend. He made my coffee and brought it to me, went to the market and came back with FOOD! No beer no normal guy foods that you would expect a guy to come back with but real honest to God food! I was so proud of him!  That night he made us Alfredo pasta , the following night he made us perogies covered in butter! I had the most amazing weekend with him. I can only pray that this is what every time I get to spend with him is like. Lord I adore that man!  I am so blessed to have such a wonderful boyfriend in my life after everything we have been through in these past weeks I can honestly say I wouldn't change anything for the world! I don't know why I had to go through what we have been through but I know that there is some kind of reason. Maybe I had some kind of lesson to learn, maybe I needed to know that I can't get away with throwing a tantrum. I don't know what the reason was but I know that there is a some kind of reason for everything even if I may never know or understand the reason. At the end of the weekend I came home and couldn't be happier with my boyfriend and our reclaimed relationship! 


I can't help it I'm still floating on air!


Semper Fi <3

Longest Week Of My Life!

                       I feel stupid, I am scared to death and truth be told this past week has changed my life forever with out a doubt. I have some great new friends in my life who care about me and support  me even though I feel like I had to go through everything I have been through to come to this point in my life. If I could go back and redo everything I would not change a thing because whatever is meant to be will be and if Adam wants to be with me he will make an effort to get back together with me. 
                    Well I was right because he sent me a text this morning after not speaking to me for a week he at last sent me a text. He and I text back and fourth all day long and he told me that he wants to get back together with me.  He missed me and he wants to get together to talk about all of our problems and what happened the night before I broke up with him. We have not gotten to sit down and talk about everything because he has been working so much. I'm happy that he is speaking to me again even though at this point he and I are not back together at this point but things are looking up!  Im so excited to be able to sit down and talk to him about everything however he wanted to come get me tonight so we could talk about everything but then he was in so much pain because of somethings that have happened to him. So he went to sleep and Im sitting here thinking about everything that has been said today. Being in a relationship with a Marine is so hard but I have missed him so much. No we are not yet back together however I missed him texting me and telling me how much he misses me. I know its just a text message however it makes me feel like everything is getting back to how is should have been to start with I cant believe that he and I are going to really sit down and talk about everything that had been going on with us. We never really sit down and talk about things and it means a lot to me that he is going to sit down with me and talk every thing out. Maybe this will end very well and we will be back together before the end of the week. 
                  This was the second day he said that he was going to try to come get me so we can talk about everything  but he had to work and then was too sleepy or what ever. It doesn't matter to me I am just happy that he must want to talk all of our problems out because he keeps informing me that he wants to spend time with me and talk about everything. I miss my man so much I cant wait to get to see him and talk to him about all of our problems!


until next time!


Semper Fi <3

What Was I Thinking?

                       


                          I have been crying for the past few hours, I don't know what I was thinking! I did something  I wont ever be able to take back no matter how hard I try I am so stupid. I cant breath at this point in time I am so worried that I will not be able to change the mistake that I have made tonight. Okay so allow me to go back to the start of the night and tell everyone what it is that I did!


                         So Adam and I were spending time together and then he had to take me home because he had to go to work. I was totally okay with him going to work because he told me he would try to come back and get me after he got done with work.  I of course was totally okay with this because at least I got to see him. He had just gotten home from a trip to Ohio to see his daughter for her birthday. So I sat around waiting on him to call me or text me and tell me that he was on his way or that he could not come and get be after all because he had to work. I was of course excited about being able to spend more time with him however that's not the way it went down. He text me and told me that he was busy and wouldn't be able to see me tonight. I said okay and decided to go out with some of my friends to a bar  in town  that I had never been to so I thought it would be tons of fun!  Well I wasn't wrong at all, I had alot of fun when I wasn't thinking about how much I would rather have been with him the whole time. I decided to drink and well when I did that my friends agreed to not allow me to have my cell phone back until I was sober so that I would not bug Adam while he was busy. Come to find out shortly after my phone was cut off he called and text my cell phone and was so very angry thinking I was cheating on him. He went as far as to tell me that he " hoped I am having a great time with my boyfriend ." So childish of him however as it turns out he was also drunk, he was busy  drinking with his boys. I was so angry at him for making me feel bad for drinking with my friends while he was drinking with his friends. 
            After fighting with me about my picking to go out and drink he tells me that " I shouldn't listen  to him because he was drunk ." I ended up not speaking to him after all of that until  more then 24 hours later where I did the one thing I didn't want to do. I ended my relationship with Adam a few hours ago and he did not fight with me about it. Until less then an hour later when I decided to make my point and  change my relationship status to " in a relationship " on facebook. I knew he would see it just not as fast as he had seen it and I only put it as that to get a reaction out of him . Oh boy did I get a reaction out of him! He totally flipped out on me telling me " I must have never meant anything to you, if you have already moved on ." I hadn't moved on however I wanted it to hit him that he wanted me back. I was naive enough to think that it would make him want to fight for me and for our relationship. Yeah I was so beyond wrong I don't know if it made him want us back together, All I know is that I'm done talking to him and trying if he wants to be with me then he will find me and fight for our relationship just as much as I had been fighting. 
             I know that I was stupid for what I did and I want to be with him more then I can even explain however if its meant to be then it will be. I guess I just have to wait, see and pray that I didn't just end the first relationship where I was truly honestly in love with the guy and didn't want to spend another day of my life with out him by my side even if that meant that the Marine Corps would be my life until the day he got out. I decided a month ago that I wanted to be with this man. Even if that meant I would have to learn how to be the perfect Marine Wife, leaving my family and friends behind and making new ones. I would walk through the fires of hell for him. Does he know this, of course not because I am too hard headed to tell him anything that is going on in my mind.  The sun will soon becoming up and I know I wont be able to sleep but Its like almost 5am so I guess I should at least try to get some sleep. I miss him so much that it truly hurts! I feel like maybe I threw a tantrum like a child and now I'm being punished for acting out that way.


Lord What Was I Thinking?


Semper Fi <3

What A Week!

                                                        WOW! Just really WOW!                                                                                                                        In the past week I have had my ups and downs and right now I guess might just be counted as a up! I know that this new life style I have join into is not easy by far but I am so happy and proud to be part of it! I love everything about my wonderful boyfriend! He makes me laugh all the time and always keeps me smiling! Tonight I am spending the weekend with him or at least part of the weekend and wow! I don't know how I ever lived with out this man in my life he makes everything better! We have not done anything that most people would see as special he picked me up late, and we went back to his house where we pretty much cuddled up and watched tv together on his sofa. I ended up falling asleep on his chest as we were watching tv and he woke me up hours later when he was ready to go to bed. I just I can't even describe how that makes me feel even to this every moment it makes me want to cry. I have never felt like this ever in my life and I just don't know what to say. That moment falling asleep on his chest and being so close to him was the best moment in my life. I have never had the feeling that I felt so safe ever in my life. This man makes me to happy with out him I don't want to live a second of my life.
 There are no words to describe how I feel about him and in such a short period of time, it truly scares me every time I think about it but I wouldn't change a thing even if I could. That night he and I went to bed and when I woke up he and I did the basic things went to get something to eat, hung out and watched football together ( we are both really BIG Steelers Fans! ) and I ended up once again falling asleep on his chest and later on he took me home because he had things to do. It was a short weekend up I just cant explain  how it felt to be able to spend time with him after him being gone for like almost two weeks. It was just what I needed to remind me of how he loves me and how amazing our relationship is
. I tend to forget those things after a certain period of time and I know that I should try my hardest to understand that he works a lot and his hours are not always " normal ." I knew that it would not be the same to date a Marine as it is to just date a normal guy with a normal job I guess I just never thought about how truly hard it would be on me. I wish that there was some one who could talk me through this some one who knew what I am going through in this new life. It hurts me to not be able to sleep next to him every night, and to cuddle up with him but I know that there is a reason for every thing and I just need to stay strong. I cant ever allow these bad days get me down about our relationship no matter how much I really want to just cry and act like baby I just can not do that to him. I love him so much and I want to spend every moment I can with him, those moments for right now just are not as close together as I would love for them to be. I know one day if I am really lucky I will be able to wake up to him every morning and fall asleep wrapped up in his arms every night as long as I stay strong and don't give up on us.
 I know this life is not just his job, it is his life something that odds are he will pick for the next 11 years. I might not be able to come first in his life, I might not get to wake up to him every morning and fall asleep wrapped up in his arms every night but he makes me so happy.  Every moment with him is better then the last and I am so happy and in love that I can only pray that he allows me to keep being part of his life and that I make him as happy as he makes me!  Well I'm off to bed Good Night all!


Semper Fi <3

Just One Of Those Days!

              So last time I talked about what was the worst day of our relationship thus far and well  its been about a few days and my life has been flipped up side down! I have figured out that there are some amazing people in this world and then there are those people who make you want to run away from it all! 

             Oh My Lord! the drama that has happened in these past few days! I am living with a newly found friend named Abby and she is young and Married to a I guess " fellow " Marine and they seem to be happy and in love!  Abby has Nanna living with her right now and it has brought up somethings that make me question my relationship with my boyfriend. I know that allowing someone to get into your head and make you doubt your relationship is wrong and childish. I am trying to not allow her to do this to us but its hard when so many guys treat there girlfriends differently then they way I am getting treated. 

           I know that he is a Marine and that things are going to be hard he has to go to work and he pretty much is always on duty no matter he happens to be at. I am proud to have such a great man in my life and I love how he is all about his job but I just thought it would be different and that maybe he would have more time for me. He is going to be going to see his daughter for like two weeks like 11 hours away from the town we live in and I know that when he gets there and hes spending time with her I will no longer get to even talk to him. He will be all about her and spending time with her. I know that he does not get to see her but like once or twice a year and that is crazy to me. I don't know how he will be able to deal with the not seeing his child,  he is stronger then I am. I know he is a proud dad and  that she is his everything but it makes me want to cry to think that he doesn't get to see her and talk about her day  after she gets home from school. It hurts me to think that he will have to miss out on the things that most people don't even care about. The little things that no one but a parent would even care about and really that most parents don't even think twice about. 

I am happy he is  getting time with her right now even if it is a short period of time I just wish that he didn't have to go through having to see her for such a short time and could see her every day. I understand his reasons and that every little girl needs there mommy but I just hate that he has to be hurt like this. I'm sure he would never admit that anything hurts him but I know it does.  

So far living with a girl who is with a Marine is harder then I thought it would be she is so young and thinks she knows everything and then it came out that her husband is getting kicked out of the Marine Corps due to failing a drug test. I thought I knew her better then that but as it turns out I really should not be around her lord only knows how living with her will hurt my relationship. I am doubting him more then I ever have in the past , I feel like he is lying to me every time I turn around and all for no reason he has changed how he is acting towards me from the point that we were living together to right now. I dont know what to think at this moment and its driving me crazy to the point that I feel like Im going to need to start getting away from the house for hours at a time with Nanna's more often before I mess up my relationship.  I guess maybe I just need to remember that he is in love with me and I am in love with him .... what else matters?

back to life I go!

Semper Fi <3

Worst Day Thus Far!

             OMG! Just had the worst day of our relationship thus far and I know that I brought it on myself! 
I woke up this morning knowing that everything was about to change for the worse and there was not a thing I could do about it no matter how hard I tried. My wonderful boyfriend asked me to do something two days ago and I knew that it was the right thing to do. However I decided to go against him and I did not do what I was asked to do when  I was asked to do it. See he had been allowing myself and my friend  " Nanna " to live with him. I guess it was my fault really because well I would bitch to him about anything and everything that she did. Every time she made me mad.every time she failed to do what I asked of her or when she would not clean the house when I wanted to and how I wanted her to. ( with me not alone not as if I used her as my maid  ) I told him I would tell her that it was time for her to move out and find a new place for herself to live.  Well I didn't do as he asked me to and in fact I told him that I would NOT do that to her because she is my best friend and Im the reason that she came to this town long before he was brought into my life. I stood up to my boyfriend and I decided to not kick Nanna out of the apartment. I thought that maybe he would understand what I meant and why I just could not do that to her. For a short period of time I felt like I did the right thing that everything would be okay with our relationship. Well I was wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong and WRONG! everything was not okay far from it and I cant believe that I was so stupid! He wasn't the first person to tell me that I need to kick Nanna out of the nest and make her fly on her own. Everyone has told me that and lord do I wish now that I would have listened to him. 
         My picking Nanna over my boyfriends wants and needs clearly was right on some levels however I feel like that was it that was the thing that he just couldn't take. So today at 1pm today he sent me a text and informed me that she and I would have to move out asap. He told me it was because of his apartment building however I think that was total Bull crap. One of the things I love about him is the fact that he " does what he wants " Well he did what he wanted, I wouldn't kick my friend out so we were both asked to leave and so he got his way in the end. Nanna was out of his home. However from the second I found out that he and I will no longer living together it felt as if our relationship will soon be over because I guess I feel like it could not work out. He and I hardly ever seen each other as it was so now well it will be harder for our relationship to get any stronger. I just at this point I dont know what to think about anything at all. I feel heartbroken to have to go through this all because I picked someone over my boyfriend. I should have known that my idea would never work. That he would see right through my thoughts and in the end do what he wanted to do to start with . I love Nanna she is my best friend but I should have picked my boyfriend. I should have respected that he wanted what was best for the both of us that it would make our relationship better and stronger if I listened to him. I knew it was hurting our relationship and still I picked to not do what I would have asked him to do as well. I just dont know what to think at this point and believe that prayer is all  I can do. Heading to bed after this long stressful day!


Semper Fi <3

Running Away!

           After the last few weeks everything has Gone from craziness to even more craziness! I am not who I thought I was and the world is not as I thought it was. I know what I thought well that people never change that they are who they were at birth and well to say the least I was wrong. To an extent I was wrong at least I thought that it would be so hard to be with someone in the Military that maybe everyone I knew that had been with some one in the military was just well big babies who didn't think about what they were getting into. That most military wives and girlfriends were cheaters and just couldn't keep there legs together. I know that I was well wrong to an extent I am not saying my opinion about the military wives I know was not at this point totally true. I do however believe it takes more then just being strong to be with some one in the military. It takes some one who is loving, supportive,caring, independent, smart, honest,God fearing and to an extent bone chilling cold hearted to those who have tried to come into the circle of wives and girlfriends who are honestly good military spouses. 

              I know that it sounds crazy and down right rude as can be at times. I have dealt with more then my share of craziness during this very short time and I can only hope that everything changes very soon. I have changed who I am more then I thought I would. I thought I was a strong person however now I am questioning everything I thought I knew. I do not feel like I am strong anymore I just keep my head down and take what the world has to give me no matter how I truly feel about it. I am scared to death that one day I will wake up and the world will see right through me every thought , fear, hopes and dreams. I thought I would be strong enough to be with a United States Marine Corps. I thought there wouldn't be a problem at all with anything or everything due to the fact that I have been through hard relationship before, I have dated the worst of the worst guys. It is NOT easy, it is the hardest thing I have ever done and yet here I am even though I'm sitting here alone trying to figure out what more I can do to make everything all better again.  I cant just walk away at this point my heart is in it for the long hall even if the rest of me wants to run away as soon as  I can when ever I see the first chance to run. 

           I want to pretend that everything isn't as hard as I want to believe as if the world is a happy place and I don't need to make up my fake reasons to run away. That maybe just maybe if I did try to run away that it wouldn't work and some one would trip me as I am trying to run away from life its self. I want the world to see that I am not strong enough for this life. I don't know what  I am meant to be at this moment all I know is that I hate spending nights alone as much as I have to. I want things to always go my way and for once to have him at home with me cuddled up on the sofa with watching bad cable tv.  I know I am dreaming and that as long as I pick to be with him that will never in my dreams  happen. I will always come second after the Marine Corps. This is his life and as much as I want to run away and hide from him and this whole world! I can  not do that to him because there is no running away at this point.  I might not be the strong person I thought I would be however I can only hope that I am one day as strong as I need to be not only for him and this life I have been brought up to but for myself. 

 Semper Fi <3 

The First Week As A Marine GirlFriend!

So Here I am just made it through the first week of what I thought could be the rest of my life! I couldnt have guessed what it would be like being with a Marine! I mean so far I have been living with him and dating him for only a week and well I have seen him only two nights so far. He is gone for the next few days on a Semper Fi Fund Hike thing and I find myself being upset not because I miss him but becuase I feel selfish for wanting him here for me not for him. He makes me happier then I have ever been in my life and that scares the living crap out of me! Hes the sweetest guy in the world but lord to look at him , he looks scary as can be! I know that just comes with the Career that has but still that is scary to me. Through this past week I thought dealing with him being gone would be the hardest part of it and that everything would be fine just as soon as he got home to me! Oh Boy! was I wrong! so very wrong! Last night  he called me and told me something that was earth shattering and changed everything more then I care to admit at this point. He informed me that he got a call about a girl from his past saying she is pregnant with him baby. My heart sank when I was informed of that and I jsut couldnt even think or breath hearing tha tkind of news isnt what any girl wants to hear. I mean I know that there is a chance that she is not telling the truth or that the baby isnt his at all. I know that this was something that happened before he and I even knew each other so its not like he cheated on me and got this other girl pregnant.  To be mad at him for this well just doesnt seem  right at all because it was something from his past. He made it clear that he doesnt want to be with her and that he wants to be with me however Im scared.  Scared that she is telling the truth,scared that her having his baby will mess up our life together. Scared that he will fall inlove with her during her pregnancy and leave me. Scared that I will end up leaving him before we find out if she really is pregnant, scared that I will leave him and then the baby will turn out to not be his. Scared of just about everything and anything at this point in time. I just dont know what to do or think all I know is I have to figure out what to do next , if I am going to stay with him or if Im going to leave for my own selfish reasons.
I questioned If I was strong enough to be with a Marine, if I could deal with everything that comes with it the deployments,the training, the Marine Wives ( because lets face it some of  those ladies scare the heck out of me. and then there are the others who I question why they are even with a Marine to start with, yes I know that makes me just like all the others most of the time lol ) the fears, the doubt that everyone seems to try to put in your mind about your man. I can deal with all of that even though its hard and really sucks most of the time but I know I am strong enough to deal with anything the USMC can put me through. If I am strong enough to deal with the USMC how can I be questioning if I am strong enough to deal with this girl from his pas saying that she is pregnant with his baby? This makes me feel so beyond stupid and I dont get what on earth I am even questioning it to start with for. Then it hits me that I am selfish! That Im sitting here thinking about leaving the greatest man I have even had in my life because of some girl from his past! A child  ( if there even is a child ) isnt brought into the world to hurt others, the baby didnt do anything wrong at all and isnt going to be born to hurt me in any way. Not saying the mother couldnt be out to hurt us or after lord only knows what because there so often is more to the story then I will know at this point in time. This could add drama ,stress and alot of tears to my life and to his as well but I dont know what to do right now. My heart is telling me to stay and not allow this to hurt my relationship with this great man but my head is saying run like heck away becuase I have never dealt with this kind of thing before but I know that it will not be easy. It would test our relationship in all kinds of ways, it would test my strength, my heart and our future in so many ways. This first week has been well more eventful then I care for but I guess that everything happens for a reason! All I can do is pray at this point in time and wait for answers to come my way. All I know at this point is that I really care about him and I dont want to loss him over what could be nothing to start with. God has a plan for us and I can only hope it will be something that will allow us to stay together and have a happy, healthy relationship.

<3 Semper Fi!

A Whole New Life!

A few days ago my whole life changed in so many ways that I don't even know what to think of it all at this point in time. I am so happy but so scared at the same thing at the same time, I have never felt like this before but I don't think that I am meant to or at least not yet. I don't know how it happened I went from one life to being pushed head first into something totally different. I wouldn't change it for the world but I wish I knew how it happened. Well let me sum it up so its clear I went from being single feeling totally alone as if I could never fit in to being in a relationship where I don't know if I fit in this life at all either. I am a Marine Girl Friend and even though I am still unsure what that means at this point I am excited as could be to start this new life. I now live in Jacksonville, NC along with my boy friend whom well I guess should call  " A " at this point.  He is such a great guy but I am worried that I am not going to be good enough for him when it comes back to it. I don't know what to say or to do and I'm scared that I am not doing anything right. I don't know anyone in this town really that is my age and going through what I am going through and it sucks to be honest but I cant do anything about that at this point in time. I am starting a whole new life as of September 27th 2011 I am no longer like all of my friends back home I am a Marine Girl Friend who I will end up as I do not know but as long as I have "A" by my side I know that everything will be as it is meant to be! 

<3 Semper Fi!